They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
