you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
