You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize