She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
