Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
