I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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