I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
