Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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