Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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