For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
