Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i need some magic done to my vagina
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
