fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I smell stomach acid.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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