What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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