i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
