Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no you cant smoke seaweed
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
