So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
