found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
