so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
