How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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