We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
