Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think people are normalizing furries
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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