she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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