New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
