And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
