he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
