if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
