You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
