haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
