Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
