I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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