Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize