I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
