how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
