so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Let's paint friendship bongs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize