just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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