a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
