You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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