Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
