you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
