I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
