I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
