oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
