I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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