I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
