yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
