every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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