ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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