You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
