A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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