Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
