put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
