i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
