He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize