Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
