Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize