Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
