so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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