I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
