I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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