I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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