She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
