We're facebook friends in real life
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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