she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
