I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
