you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just cropdusted the office
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
