For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
