Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
