So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
