i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i drank out of a bidet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You made out with two different species that night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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