Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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