Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
